Father's Day as only we could destroy it...

Yesterday was Father's Day, and sadly, I wasn't able to spend it with my father. And while I sent him a card, I feel like the card itself was a shoddy representation of the importance of fatherhood and my father's role in my life.

As I sifted through the available cards early this week I wanted to puke. If the cards are any representation of our culture's understanding and expectations for fatherhood, we're in some serious trouble. Most of the cards displayed images of 'typical' fathers: men engaged in the sports of fishing, golfing, and hunting; men working with tools in the garage or grilling in the backyard; men watching TV or having a beer with his buddies. But the unstated, common theme was this removal of the man from his family. I didn't see any representations of families together, of fathers with their children, and certainly no men HAPPY to be with their families. Most of the cards seemed to say that the reward of Father's Day was that the man could have a day of freedom, a day to do whatever made him happy, which inevitably meant doing something separate from his family, something removed from the apparent shackles of family responsibility.

Now, I am in no way saying that men shouldn't have the freedom to enjoy and support their own individuality. I'm ALL for that. I believe individuality is part of wholeness and part of being able to be a part of functioning family. What I'm afraid of is the way that all these greeting cards show men as individuals trapped in a family, restricted, living a life lacking freedom and repressing their masculinity. As if no man chooses fatherhood or enjoys it or values it. I've got to admit, that crap makes me really angry. The way we paint masculinity in our culture denies everyone -- especially men -- the potential joy and importance of living a real, rich fatherhood. We still draw this divide that deems the home the place of the woman, of family, of femininity -- a place stifling to manhood and 'true' manliness. How many times have you heard the jokes about sissy men who stay home to take care of their children or are supposedly not 'real' men because they go to their child's dance recital or join the PTA, or for heaven's sake, give up watching a football game with the boys to have an afternoon with their children. We chastise men ALL THE TIME for trying to be good fathers and dedicated members of their families. And deny them the opportunity to even see their efforts positively reflected in the media -- like those damned greeting cards. We have this unstated fear/loathing/distrust of men who live out fatherhood as a privilege, a joy, and a huge responsibility demanding of effort, compassion, and love, rather than just a societal obligation to their spawn. I'm finding it difficult to articulate, but think about it this way: Father's Day cards typically show men being 'masculine' -- playing sports, being independent, etc. etc., NOT being with their families. Mother's Day cards, on the contrary, frequently show women with their children or families, with tons of flowers, or with other girly stuff. You don't see Mother's Day cards of women getting their nails done, shopping at the mall, having coffee with a friend (more gender stereotypes...) -- aka, disconnected from her children, the thing that makes her a mother. Do you see what I'm saying? Why do so many Father's Day cards (just as one tiny example) separate fathers from their children, the definition of their fatherly identity? My problem here is the division created in our culture by divergent expectations for male and female gendered behavior and parenting.

That said, HUGE thumbs down from me to all the greeting card companies, and in domino effect, to us as a culture, for their/our failure to make Father's Day truly representative of the potential greatness of fathers. In the end, I got my dad some lame card with geometric squares all over it, and I wrote him a little polemic (similar to this, but shorter) about why I'm so grateful that he isn't the image of fatherhood represented by all these other media images. I have been blessed with a father who understands that Father's Day is about the gift of family, and I love him for that. And I am truly lucky to know that he loves me. What a wonderful reason to celebrate!

Now, if only everyone else could see the world my way maybe we could look at Father's Day as a celebration of real fatherhood, not a denial of 'real' masculinity. Am I asking too much?

UPDATE: I was just catching up on reading my beloved Boston's The Dig and read an article my friend Bridget Pelkie wrote titled "Golf, Fish, Pigeonhole: A Word Against Father's Day." I think we're on the same wavelength here! (And B, if you're reading this, nice article, girl!) - 7/19/08

Video Spotlight: "My Address: A Look at Gay Youth Homelessness"

As summer is finally beginning to dawn, many LGBTQ indviduals and their allies from around the country, and around the world, will come together in Pride events to publicly celebrate and honor who they are as a community and their continuing struggles in seeking justice and equality, rights often denied by a larger society that holds to heteronormativity as if persons of other identifications are fictitious and scary (they aren't, on either account). (And note: when I say "society" that means WE need to take responsibility. Society is made of individuals – aka YOU & ME – who discriminate or are willing to blindly allow discrimination. Our individual actions contribute to societal norms. Don't be passive.) As my tiny contribution to bringing awareness and a more concrete understanding to LGBTQ struggles, I wanted to share this video, produced over a year ago by the lovely folks at OurChart.com. This is the second of a five episode series narrated by Katherine Moennig exploring homelessness among gay youth. To see the rest of the web series, you can visit OurChart.com, or to read the report put out by The National Gay and Lesbian Taskforce on which much of the cited statistics are based, you can go here. Peace.

Yay Green Festival!

Long time, no chat! Forgive me, I've been buried up to my eyeballs in schoolwork. (Got another three weeks to go 'til summer. I'm anxious.) But, I wanted to share a happy experience with you all. (I always talk about sad and grumpy things, which -- don't worry -- I'll get back to, but I thought talking for once about something wonderful would be, well, wonderful!)

This past weekend I took a break from homeworkin' it and headed over to Navy Pier for Chicago's 2nd annual Green Festival. I went last year when it was held at McCormick Place, but it's grown in scope since then and the Pier was a good site choice (despite the fact that the CTA was a disaster -- running the Red Line on the upper tracks, leaving me to spend two hours in bus transit each way. I could have walked the 7 miles faster...).

For those of you unfamiliar, the Green Festival, which is hosted at several locations each year (this year's are Seattle, Chicago, San Francisco, and Washington DC), is a uniquely amazing festival focused specifically on issues of sustainable economy, ecological balance, and social justice. It's my kind of shindig! The events, cosponsored by Global Exchange and Co-op America, are described as:

Green Festivals are a walk through a sustainable community. It starts with the personal: how people can make their lives work better. Individuals and business and community leaders also come together to discuss social and environmental issues of personal, local, national and global concern. Organizations and businesses showcase programs and products that serve the community. Neighbor-to-neighbor connections are formed, and skills are shared to empower people to create a livable community. Of course, it wouldn't be a festival without music, art, culture and delicious food -- all from locally-based organizations and businesses!

Pretty much, it's a rip-roarin' good time. Inspirational. Informative. Progressive. And generally just AWESOME. You have the opportunity to hear hundreds of speakers, check out over 350 exhibitors sharing knowledge about everything from how to green your house and conscious investing to local food options and community action, be in rich conversation with others, eat mouth-wateringly good food -- all local, mostly natural, and yes, there is an organic beer and wine garden, as well as a tea garden. There is a bookstore, a kids' area, a makeshift yoga studio, a film festival, and TONS of learning to be had. Crowded and overwhelming at times - yes. But worth it, if you ask me. (Gotta tell ya, last year they estimated the attendance was 31,000. This year they were anticipating 33,000 or more. CRAZY!)

Now, why am I telling you all this (other than the fact that it's my blog and I can do whatever I want)? Well, two reasons. One: If you live in the DC or San Fran areas, your Festival is still to come. (DC's is November 8 & 9 and San Fran's is doin' it up right with a three day fest from Nov. 14 to 16.) Two: If you cannot make it to a Festival, I understand, but there is this amazing resource available to you called the internet. If you navigate yourself to the Green Festival homepage, you you will see on the left hand side several "play" buttons. One reads "Launch Green Festival Radio" and another reads "Green Festival Videos." These are your links to free knowledge - and how you could pass that up?! The wonderful folks at the national level of Green Festival have made it possible to hear many of the speakers who have contributed their time and knowledge to Green Festival audiences since 2005. Just click a speaker of interest to you and you're good to go. (Might I suggest a few crowd favorites including Amy Goodman, Bill McKibben, Thom Hartmann, Medea Benjamin, Ralph Nadar, and Dennis Kucinich.)

That said, let me leave you (and return to my homework) with a little promo video. This should give you a decent idea of what Green Festival is all about. And 'til next time, be well!

Video Spotlight: Op Talk

Rives is one of my favorite spoken word poets. I think it's because he reminds me to feel good about happy things rather than just shitty about bad ones (though I reserve time and space for that cause as well). April is National Poetry Month (and National Dance Month and National Puppetry Month... I am undecided about how I might yet best honor those great occasions. If you see me dancing down the street having pulled the Old Lady and Leo the Lion from my closet, you'll know why – and everyone will think I am crazy. Sounds fun.) So, share poetry we will. And this one's to those of us lucky enough, amidst the crap life can set in our path, to have siblings that make life better than it would have been otherwise.



And because I can't leave you with just one great Rives' performance, here are two of my other favorites: Kite and Sign Language.

Video Spotlight: Barbie & Ken 101

Let's round out the month with a shout out to spoken word with a side dish of feminism.

I think Rafael Casal is the shit. His flow is sick, and his message critical. (And there I go again cross-breeding two language sets that are too often kept in separate corners.) Rafael's a talented young voice that gives thoughtful, heart-felt attention to very real issues through the fresh eyes of a generation seeking their (our) way in a mixed up world. He just came out with a hip-hop/rap LP – "As Good As Your Word" – at the end of January. And if you want to read "Barbie & Ken 101" in its final form (the piece was only about a week old in the vid) go here.



UPDATE: I recently read a short chapter written by Rafael entitled "Teaching Poetry Workshop" in Handbook of Social Justice in Education (2008) edited by Bill Ayers, Therese Quinn, and David Stovall. Good read. -- 8/2009